After months of waiting, your stag do is finally here! The best man tells you he’s got everything covered but there’s inevitably some doubt that remains. Whether you’re the groom or just a member of the party, it’s the sense of the unknown that really gets you. Sure, you’re up for some fun but understandably, you want to make it out the other end with both eyebrows. So take a look at our ultimate survival guide to make sure this is one weekend that is unforgettable for all the right reasons.
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Part 1: Damage limitation
Every man is in it for himself. The best man is now your opponent. The first page of the stag do bible says that the best man must give the groom and other stags a night to remember. A night that involves complete humiliation, borderline-legal activities and, more than likely, copious amounts of beer and groom-to-be nudity. Okay - there isn’t really a bible but that’s what it would say. To ensure that everyone enjoys the weekend away, some prior thought and planning is necessary.
Have “The Chat”
We all dread ‘the chat’. Whether it’s with your partner, friends or worse still parents, those 2 words are enough to get even Anthony Joshua quaking in his boots. It’s never going to be easy, but it’s a good idea to make your boundaries clear. Selective shaving, yes. Tattoo of the ex’s name, no. There’s no guarantee he’ll listen though, so stay one step ahead and swot up on the best stag do pranks to watch out for.
While blokes on Eastenders may decide to have a stag do the night before the big day, nowadays stag dos are planned a comfortable distance before the wedding. Ideally, long enough for the permanent marker to fade. While stags carrying sawn off railings to the church might make good TV, you don’t really want it happening in real life. Plus the further ahead you plan your weekend, the better deals can be found on hundreds of destinations.
Consider past precedents
What goes around comes around. We’ve all heard our mothers mutter this while gossiping over a cuppa and all stags can take a lesson from it. If your best man is returning the favour, think back to his stag night. Whatever you did to him, he’ll want to give it back - only ten times worse. So, be warned that if you let rip on his stag night, you’ll need to do some serious buttering up before yours
The secret weapon
Also known as the white lie. If you suspect that your pleas are going in one ear and out the other, it’s time to unleash the secret weapon. Tell the best man that you’re inviting your new father-in-law or the bride-to-be’s brothers. No matter how badly your mates want to see you in a compromising situation, they won’t want to ruin your family Christmas.
If being covered in whipped cream by a granny in a PVC nurse’s uniform doesn’t do it for, then suggest having the stag night in an upmarket club or taking part in classier activities like an evening spent whiskey tasting.
What, a picture?
In today’s digital world, you can barely do anything without someone filming it. However, given that current employers, future employers, bank managers and even your nan may find your social media, it might be a good idea to have a no camera rule. Or at least ban all images being uploaded.
Part 2: Booze Basics
As a groom, one of the biggest expectations is that you should drink your own bodyweight in booze. Whether you’re a pint plus shots guy or a simple shandy fiend, it’s worth knowing the risks before you start. The last thing anyone wants is to get injured from over-consumption and remember, you’re not just strangers to us, you’re valuable web traffic and, heck, we’d definitely miss you if you died. Top tip: you can always skip the drinkathon and opt for a booze free stag weekend.
Booze. We're all at it
According to recent reports, alcohol will claim over 90,000 lives in Britain in the next decade. That’s not including accidental deaths of sozzled stags stumbling onto a dual carriageway wearing nothing but a tutu. Sorry for being a Debbie downer but someone’s gotta do it.
Increased obnoxiousness, yeah, you
While most alcohol related deaths are a result of long-term drinking, there are numerous risks associated with short binges. Plus, the NHS website warns of effects such as becoming ‘more obnoxious to others’ to losing bladder control, and an increased risk of heart attack. Give yourself a well-earned drinking break and fill your day with activities like paintballing. Note to self: Paintballing can also some damage, but not quite as bad.
A professional speaks
We consulted a doctor - let’s call him ‘Dr A’ – for elucidation. “The worst consequence of binge drinking is, as most people are aware, being asphyxiated beneath a large sea-dwelling mammal masquerading as a human female,” says Dr A. “Alternatively you could just choke on your own dirty sick.” Mmm, you never looked so attractive.
Liver and oh-noes!
“Your liver is no more or less resistant than the next man’s, and it will respond exactly the same to sustained abuse: by attempting to fail and kill you slowly,” says Doc A. People with end-stage liver disease can start losing all of their mental faculties, turning yellow, sporting a distended belly full of their own fluid, and finally expiring in a pool of their own effluent.” So unless your bride-to-be has a Homer Simpson fetish it’s worth keeping an eye on your drink.
The recovery position
One of the biggest responsibilities of the best man is the stag. Your job is to make sure he gets through the night without choking on his own sick. Before you go, it’s a good idea to get familiar with the recovery position - it might just come in useful when he’s passed out on the floor of the Travelodge bar.
The next day
From a full English to a pint of the good old stuff, we’ve all got our own favourite, tried and tested hangover cures. While the NHS recommends paracetamol-based painkillers, sugary food, lots of water and isotonic drinks, we think a day jam-packed with activities will do just the job.
Part 3: Drinking Tactics
Stag dos are notorious for lots of booze, peculiar looking mixes and a tonne of drinking forfeits - but how can you guarantee that you’ll still standing to the bitter end?
Eating is not cheating
We almost choked on our pizza when Kate Moss said, ‘Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.’ She’s obvs never had cheesy chips with garlic mayo and a donner kebab after a night on the town. Food helps to slow down the body’s absorption of alcohol meaning less chance of an early trip to bed. The NHS recommends a pre-drink meal that’s high in carbohydrates or fats, so why not start the evening with a well-planned restaurant trip?
The white stuff
It’s not just an old wives’ tale – a pre-sesh glass of milk prevents irritation of the stomach lining and helps drinking stamina. Annoyingly, the same logic does not apply to White Russians.
Now, we might sound like your parents but drinking a glass of water between drinks is a good way of keeping hydrated. One of the biggest reasons for feeling so rough the next day is because of dehydration so take this advice lads. Downing the occasional water might line you up for a bit of stick from the rest of the party but just tell them it’s neat vodka and they’ll think you’re superman.
The old switcheroo
Your stag party will want to see you down as many drinks as possible but that doesn’t mean you can’t be a little cheeky. If you’re being overloaded with more booze than you can drink, why not get rid of your drink while no-one is looking. Conveniently placed plants, other people’s glasses or a sympathetic accomplice are all top places for unwanted shots. But remember to slam down your glass and pull a face for dramatic effect.
Don’t mix the grape and the grain
Fish bowls, mixes, shot sticks and more - it’s likely that you’re going to be mixing lots of drinks on your stag do. However, it’s worth noting that different drinks contain different chemicals which, when combined, can cause worse hangovers as your body has to work overtime to deal with all the various substances. Don’t be greedy, stick to one drink and if you need variety, opt for beer tasting.
Avoid dark coloured drinks
According to the NHS, dark coloured alcoholic drinks such as red wine, brandy, whiskey, dark rum and port contain natural chemical impurities called congeners that can irritate blood vessels and tissue in the brain. Best give that black sambucca a miss then.
The tactical vomit
This one might not be pleasant but when nature calls, you gotta go. While vomiting should not be part of a regular night out, sometimes in the battlefield environment of a stag do, things are going to get ugly. Just remember to pack some chewing gum.
Part 4: Chained to the railings
It’s the stag night prank that sends shivers down the spine of every groom-to-be - being stripped naked and tied to railings. Sure it’s a cliche but at least one of your stags will be considering it. So what do you need to know if you find yourself with your bits blowing in the wind?
The Police perspective
To put it simply, it would come under indecent exposure and if your mates are caught doing it, they’d also be in big trouble. However, it really depends what mood the officers are in. It’s important to remember that police may not be so lenient if your stag do is abroad.
Cut and Run
It’s the end of the night. You’re being led towards the town square / seafront / ferry port / the centre of a roundabout on the A22. Alarm bells are ringing. So, for goodness’ sake, cut your losses and run. If you can spot the signs, act on them – and quickly.
Employ a mole
Tell a trusted member of the stag party that under no circumstances do you want to end the night with your little fella swinging in the wind. A sympathetic voice among the mob could be an invaluable resource. In the event that the prank goes ahead anyway, have a mole on the inside – an accomplice who’ll return to the scene in 30 minutes and free you.
Write the number of a local emergency locksmith on your arm. Your mates will probably have taken your mobile with them, but there’s a chance you could ask a kindly passer-by to dial the number and hand you theirs (it’s not like you can run off with it).
Another extreme measure is too apply a thin layer of Vaseline all over your body. It’ll keep you warm and may even assist in giving your stags the slip - quite literally. Then again, the thought of finding a naked man, covered in Vaseline tied to some railings, will get all sorts of alarm bells ringing…
Take it in good humour
If you’re unlucky enough for it to happen to you, the only thing left to do is laugh. Otherwise you might actually cry. Just think, it gives you loads of time to think about how you’re going to get revenge.
Part 5: An unwanted stripper encounter
While many stags don’t want to admit it, loads of people don’t want a stripper at their stag do. Maybe you’re just into women. Maybe your wife-to-be wouldn’t like it. Or maybe, you just don’t want to be covered in whipped cream, smothered in 36G breasts and whipped raw in front of old school friends, your boss and your future father-in-law.
Set your boundaries
As with much of our stag do survival guide, the best way to ensure that things go to plan is to have a quiet word with the best man. Clients are more than welcome to make special requests at the time of booking and remember, it is your stag do.
Pick the right stripper
There’s always going to be different types of strippers. There are good strippers, who are there to ensure a fun time is had by all, and evil strippers, whose sole intention is to humiliate the groom. A good stripper, says Dave, will put the groom at ease.
Pass it on
An evil stripper?! What do you do when you come face to face with an evil stripper? Simple: pass the buck. If you’re really not comfortable with being involved in a stripper’s domination fantasy, simply defer it to the best man, or any other willing member of the stag party. Let’s face it, there’s likely to be at least one.
Just say no
Don’t be afraid to be assertive. Saying ‘no’ if the show goes too far may make you feel like a spoilsport, but that one-syllable word might ensure you go home with your trousers (and dignity) intact. If it’s really not your thing, mention a strip dinner - that way you can at least try and keep your eyes on the food…
Dad's the word
One way of ensuring a more PG-rated show is to take a mixed group along, including the older generation. Often strippers respond to the mood of the group so a party of varying ages in the back room will get a different experience to a baying crowd in a rugby club. If all else fails, you can, of course, do a runner. Plus, if your stag group boasts a few over 40s , there’s loads of fun age appropriate activities to try.
See, you’ve got nothing to worry about. With our ultimate survival guide your stag do will take place without a glitch.. Or at least hopefully. If you’re planning an unforgettable stag do, why not get in touch with us today and let us arrange a whole host of activities guaranteed to make this the best stag weekend ever.