Surviving The Stag Do

We all dread ‘the chat’. Whether it’s with your partner, friends or worse still parents, those 2 words are enough to get even Anthony Joshua quaking in his boots. It’s never going to be easy, but it’s a good idea to make your boundaries clear. Selective shaving, yes. Tattoo of the ex’s name, no. There’s no guarantee he’ll listen though, so stay one step ahead and swot up on the best stag do pranks to watch out for.

While blokes on Eastenders may decide to have a stag do the night before the big day, nowadays stag dos are planned a comfortable distance before the wedding. Ideally, long enough for the permanent marker to fade. While stags carrying sawn off railings to the church might make good TV, you don’t really want it happening in real life. Plus the further ahead you plan your weekend, the better deals can be found on hundreds of destinations.

What goes around comes around. We’ve all heard our mothers mutter this while gossiping over a cuppa and all stags can take a lesson from it. If your best man is returning the favour, think back to his stag night. Whatever you did to him, he’ll want to give it back - only ten times worse. So, be warned that if you let rip on his stag night, you’ll need to do some serious buttering up before yours.

Also known as the white lie. If you suspect that your pleas are going in one ear and out the other, it’s time to unleash the secret weapon. Tell the best man that you’re inviting your new father-in-law or the bride-to-be’s brothers. No matter how badly your mates want to see you in a compromising situation, they won’t want to ruin your family Christmas.

If being covered in whipped cream by a granny in a PVC nurse’s uniform doesn’t do it for, then suggest having the stag night in an upmarket club or taking part in classier activities like an evening spent whiskey tasting.

In today’s digital world, you can barely do anything without someone filming it. However, given that current employers, future employers, bank managers and even your nan may find your social media, it might be a good idea to have a no camera rule. Or at least ban all images being uploaded.

According to recent reports, alcohol will claim over 90,000 lives in Britain in the next decade. That’s not including accidental deaths of sozzled stags stumbling onto a dual carriageway wearing nothing but a tutu. Sorry for being a Debbie downer but someone’s gotta do it.

While most alcohol related deaths are a result of long-term drinking, there are numerous risks associated with short binges. Plus, the NHS website warns of effects such as becoming ‘more obnoxious to others’ to losing bladder control, and an increased risk of heart attack. Give yourself a well-earned drinking break and fill your day with activities like paintballing. Note to self: Paintballing can also some damage, but not quite as bad.

One of the biggest responsibilities of the best man is the stag. Your job is to make sure he gets through the night without a trip to A&E. So before you go, and if "responsible drinking" is not your think, it's maybe a good idea to get familiar with the recovery position; it might just come in useful when he’s passed out on the floor of the Travelodge bar.

From a full English to a pint of the good old stuff, we’ve all got our own favourite, tried and tested hangover cures. While the NHS recommends paracetamol-based painkillers, sugary food, lots of water and isotonic drinks, we think a day jam-packed with stag do activities will do just the job.

Food helps to slow down the body’s absorption of alcohol meaning less chance of an early trip to bed. The NHS recommends a pre-drink meal that’s high in carbohydrates or fats, so why not start the evening with a well-planned restaurant trip?

It’s not just an old wives’ tale – a pre-sesh glass of milk prevents irritation of the stomach lining and helps drinking stamina. Annoyingly, the same logic does not apply to White Russians.

Now, we might sound like your parents but drinking a glass of water between drinks is a good way of keeping hydrated. One of the biggest reasons for feeling so rough the next day is because of dehydration so take this advice lads. Downing the occasional water might line you up for a bit of stick from the rest of the party but just tell them it’s neat vodka and they’ll think you’re superman.

Your stag party will want to see you down as many drinks as possible but that doesn’t mean you can’t be a little cheeky. If you’re being overloaded with more booze than you can drink, why not get rid of your drink while no-one is looking. Conveniently placed plants, other people’s glasses or a sympathetic accomplice are all top places for unwanted shots. But remember to slam down your glass and pull a face for dramatic effect.

Beers, shots, beers, shots...it’s likely you'll be mixing lots of drinks on your stag do. However, it’s worth noting that different drinks contain different chemicals which, when combined, can cause worse hangovers as your body has to work overtime to process them. Try to stick to one drink if at all possible, and to slow things down you could notch in some civilised beer tasting.

According to the NHS, dark coloured alcoholic drinks such as red wine, brandy, whiskey, dark rum and port contain natural chemical impurities called congeners that can irritate blood vessels and tissue in the brain and are almost certain to kick start your headache. Best give that black sambuca a miss then.

This one might not be pleasant but when nature calls, you gotta go. While vomiting should not be part of a regular night out, sometimes in the battlefield environment of a stag do, things are going to get ugly. Just remember to pack some chewing gum.

To put it simply, it would come under indecent exposure and if your mates are caught doing it, they’d also be in big trouble. However, it really depends what mood the officers are in. It’s important to remember that police may not be so lenient if your stag do is abroad.

As with much of our stag do survival guide, the best way to ensure that things go to plan is to have a quiet word with the best man. Clients are more than welcome to make special requests at the time of booking and remember, it is your stag do.

Don’t be afraid to be assertive. Saying ‘no’ if the show goes too far may make you feel like a spoilsport, but that one-syllable word might ensure you go home with your trousers (and dignity) intact. If it’s really not your thing, mention a strip dinner - that way you can at least try and keep your eyes on the food…

One way of ensuring a more PG-rated show is to take a mixed group along, including the older generation. Often strippers respond to the mood of the group so a party of varying ages in the back room will get a different experience to a baying crowd in a rugby club. If all else fails, you can, of course, do a runner. Plus, if your stag group boasts a few over 40s, there’s loads of fun age appropriate activities to try.